*Christmas...

It's December again.. okay... last day of December. For me Christmas is all about spending time with the one you loved, well, it's the same for this year. My mission accomplished because i spend my Christmas dinner with my dear family. The only thing is i missed the mas on the Christmas eve (but i did went to church Sunday :)

New year eve lagi coming... i don't know why, every kind of eve only makes me feel like staying home and sleep earlier... especially new year eve... i wonder what will happen tonight... where am i going to be? am i going back to KB? or i will stay at home and sleep like last year? i still remember what happened last new year eve... went to a friend's house for dinner, but around 10 plus I'm home already.. then i slept.. hehe..

I wonder how's my part time bf doing there? mesti you mabuk every night ni kan? keke..
I also every night mabuk here... a friend of mine celebrated his bday on the 29th.. imagine that.. we drank 80sets of beer and two bottle of chivas... the next day the boss called and told him that the whole pub's beer was finished on that night... that's memorable.. duh... now i am scared of celebrating my bday with them... scary... hehe...

*before makan...

Went to sing k with the monkeys last night.. i really layaned my jiwang there.. duh.. feel like going crazy already... he called me last night... duh... i really dont know what to say about us anymore.. too many misunderstood.

He said he found out that he don even know who am i already... for him, i'm jus a kid. a kid that would feel very proud of herslef with the fighting friend, a kid that will never think with the brain.... he really made me feel like i'm useless. He says he dont even want to be a friend with me... we're nothing.. uber pain... but what do... who will understand? even the one i loved say he dont even know who am i... maybe there's someone who still understand me..

This time is really the time... since he's so keras with what he said last nite... no point for me to keep this relationship also... it wont be easy i know... maybe it wont be that hard also? hehe...

For this moment, i really don feel like going to anyway, i know i can't smile in front of them, i can't force myself to laugh at their stupid jokes, i can't stands to see ppl too happy in this moment (punya main jahat), the only place i love is my room... i rather stay inside my room...

time to go... pi makan 1st... byebye!

*08.12.07

I thought i can get over things soon.... because once i sms him, he replied me in a very cool way... i know he feels pain too, but he don want to show it to me, because he wants me to get over things as soon as i can... I told a friend this evening... i think i can get over things soon... because he really kejam in things between us.. and i know.. he's keras in things..

2am in the morning... which is few minutes ago... his friend sent me a mms... caption - He's singing... and he's really singing? Kau Ilhamku...

Gosh... never in my life!! like Never?? i know he doesn't sings, because he says that he dont have the nice voice to sing? why is he singing now? so many things pop up in my mind... trust me... a girl can think alot if they starts thinking...

Gosh.. what is he thinking actually? can i at least know what's in his mind? i know... he got problems with his business now, and he think that i can find someone better than him.. instead of following him...i can get a better life... i know he still loves me.. even if he "i don love u" come out from his mouth.. i don believe that... i trust myself... or i should say i just want to trust myself? why? he must be in pain now... uber pain... i know... me too... why? we still love each other... why? anyone?

"dear, do you know that everytime i think about us i feel regret? because i know i didn;t do my part... why can;t i get another chances? please... do you know that how regret am i? i remind everyone beside me to appreciate the relationship they are having now... especially hp... i asked her please don do or just do the things that she should do in her relationship.. i really don want hp to me the another me.. dear, i know we can't turn back things.... but i really miss you... alot.."

Again... because he wants me to have better life? why? why ppl have to decide for me what is better for me? why i cannot decide it myself... why he want to do the decision himself... i just want to stay beside him when he's down... is that so hard? i know... everyone will say the same thing.. and i am really tired of hearin it... and they also feel hurt when they see me in pain... so i have to act like nothign with me... act like i don feel any pain... so that everyone stop worrying about me.. i know they love me... my family n my friends... i know... i hope i will be fine soon... it's 3am in the morning and i still can't sleep....

*07.12.07

27 Nov 2007, we broke up, and yes.. in a good way. Well i know like ppl always say if u want to end a relationship, end it in a good way, at least you two are still friend. Quite tired about relationship... i THINK i don't even need that actually...

good news, i done my 2Nd mutual sales... to my 2Nd brother... wahhahaaha... well, my uncle from new Zealand is coming back soon... so i think i really need to find some customers and do some sales to make him proud.

I think there's really something with me now... i woke up at 10am plus yesterday, as usual, go mandi, then brush my teeth. what's the funny part is, after i brush my teeth, i dun know why my hand don want to let the tooth brush go... and i accidentally bring my toothbrush into my room? the moment i step into my room, i looked at my hand, i was like... "why am i holding my toothbrush?" hmmm... ok... after that i went to my mum's room and take my brother's money (for the UT) and go to Public bank in lido. as usual, lido memang macam got gold, i think i rounded for 4-5 round and FINALY, got parking dy, i parked my car and i stopped and asked myself.... where's my brother's investment form? oh gosh.... i forgot to bring it out..... hmmm....

i told a net friend about my 2 incident and my friend called me "headless lalat" instead of monkey... and what surprise him is, i am actually happy with my new name?? wtf? what happen to me? hahahahah....

i just finished read another friend's blog, suddenly miss him so much.... wahahhahahahahahahahahaha... i know you know i miss you... because u miss me too... hehehehehehehehehe.....

*Story of A n B

have you ever thought of what is a fight in a relationship? what's the routine they do every time they fight?

i think i got the conclusion... let's say when A and B are in the relationship and one day, they fight.
once they started to fight, they will automatically be their own representative lawyer. A throw a point to B, and B need to think as fast as she can to fight back every point A says.

Day by day, few conclusion will come out. 1st, they solved their problem, they go on with their happy life.
2nd, they can't solve their problem and both agree to stop everything.
And the 3rd, which is the worst one, they still can't solve their problem, A is acting like he can let go everything, and B don't want to let go anything. And there goes their relationship, another level of relationship, HANGING.

*Why Earth life?

Why earth life? Reynie called last nite and tell me a funny story about her when she's waiting her friend in a kedai kopi with a bottle of tiger. Suddenly a guy come by and the 1st sentence she talked to that guy is "The Earth is so unfair to me and i need to go back to Jupiter" haha...

So how about me? all i can feel is, i am so numb for everything. I can sit alone, looking at the chair and laugh myself? instead, i can cry for nothing? sad life? i don't know... all i can say is time will prove everything... if things doesn't run right... time will heal...